Alma DyeHow Can I Help To Protect Victims?
You can help by learning how people fail to protect victims of abuse and then arm yourself with information and resources to prevent and intervene.
Have you come across someone that doesn’t sit well with you? There’s something about them that you can’t quite point out, like something about their character is “off?” Maybe you feel uneasy about how a person gravitates towards children. Do you know of an uncanny person and their presence makes you feel extremely uneasy? Perhaps you witnessed sexual abuse or you know the abuser, maybe it’s a family member, friend or acquaintance but you don’t warn others that you know what they’ve done. My friends, we cannot and should not suppress those feelings of uneasiness. God has given us discernment for a reason Ephesians 5:10. Also, we should not remain silent of the things we know. Silence has become an ongoing pattern for years. Speak out, advocate!
We need to act and intervene to prevent abuse and protect victims. There are so many cases of sexual abuse in and out of the church. I was sexually abused out of the church and it was by my oldest brother. Statistics say 93% perpetrators of child sexual abuse are often related to the victim while 7% are strangers. Family members abusing within the family, keeping quiet or dealing with it privately as in the case of celebrity pedophile, Josh Duggar. Boatloads of pastors and priests abusing children. Churches knowingly allow abusers to still remain in positions even after an accusation has been made against them. Also, churches knowingly allow pedophiles to join the congregation and conceal their identities and even hire them for a position within the church. What!!!? Are you kidding me!? This should anger you!
We Fail To Protect Victims Because We Become Shocked and Paralyzed
I was twelve years old when I told my mother that I was molested by my older brother when I was four years old. I can still remember the reaction on her face, it was shock. She became paralyzed too and did nothing about my unfortunate situation.
When we hear of abuse or even witness abuse we experience a sudden mental and emotional disturbance. We go into shock, we freeze up and become paralyzed, not knowing what to do. The stress of knowing that something gruesome took place holds us back from taking action. Perhaps out of fear. Maybe even doubtful that you mistook what you saw or you just don’t know what to do, so doing nothing is better-which is the route my mother took. For some people the shock is so great that some turn a blind eye because “that’s just not my problem” or “I don’t want to get involved” or “they’re incapable of such accusations.” Nevertheless, being in shock and becoming paralyzed is not an excuse.
Most of us have seen a trauma doctor on TV jump into action when a patient arrives at the ER needing immediate attention. The doctor doesn’t stand idle, shocked and paralyzed, no, because he has been trained. He learned what is expected of him to do. He remains calm and with all his ability the doctor attempts to save a life.
So in the same manner we need to overcome being shocked and paralyzed by learning how to protect victims of abuse and how to handle these types of situations. There are many resources now and we must inform ourselves so we can have the right tools to prevent, intervene and protect victims. Above all, we need to help save lives too.
We Fail To Protect Victims Because We Choose The Bystander Effect
“My church surely won’t allow a pedophile in…” “Surely someone else will notice and do something…” “Surely their parents must know something is going on…” “It’s up to the parents to do something not me…”
Many times parents don’t know this gruesome thing has happened to their child. Do you truly believe someone else will say something? Why would they say something, since you’ve kept quiet yourself? No, you need to intervene and advocate for the victim even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if it’s a pastor, congregant or anyone in ministry who has afflicted someone. As a Christian it is our duty to help the oppressed, the defenseless Luke 4:18.
Have you heard of the bystander effect? The term bystander effect came about after the brutal murder of Kitty Genovese in 1964. In the documentary “The Witness” 38 bystanders watched or heard the attack, no one intervened but instead relied on others to help or to call the police because they didn’t want to get involved.
The brutal murder of Kitty called for someone to help, however, no one did.
You may be saying but this is murder… The principal remains the same, we choose the bystander effect. We are less likely to help protect victims because we are looking around to see if others will take action. When we see no one take action, we follow suit.
How can we break that pattern? We must be aware that we are all vulnerable to the bystander effect and be a part of helping someone, advocating and speaking out to protect victims instead of standing by.
There are far too many cases of churches abusing children, clergy abuse or abuse within the home. If we do nothing when will these crimes stop?
Resources to Prevent and Educate
Lauren Book is the CEO of Safer, Smarter Families a foundation that educates adults and children about sexual abuse prevention; curriculums are from Pre-K through High School. Free print-outs for parents and caregivers, as well as tools, videos, and lessons to complete with school aged children. She also has an interactive-filled-adventure book for boys and girls (ages 5-9) that encourages the child to establish a “Trusted Triangle” – three grown up buddies they can go to when they feel unsafe.
Rachael Denhollander is an American lawyer and former gymnast who was the first to speak out against Larry Nassar, the former USA gymnastics coach who sexually assaulted her. She wrote “How Much Is A Little Girl Worth.” This tender- hearted book was written to teach little girls their worth and value because they are made in the image of God. I highly recommend this book!
New Growth Press has a Trauma and Abuse e-book selection. I personally have all these books and they all have been a blessing to learn from. See the titles below.
- Children and Trauma Equipping Parents and Caregivers
- What The Bible Says To Abuse Survivors And Those Who Hurt Them
- The Spiritual Impact Of Sexual Abuse
- Caring For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse
- Protecting Children From Abuse In The Church
Consulting Resources
Jimmy Hinton was the first person and pastor I ever heard speak passionately against sexual abuse. He is a speaker, and consults with churches, as well as other organizations, on how to prevent abuse, spot abusers, intervene when an abuser is found out and how to take action. You see, Jimmy’s father was a former pastor who did heinous crimes for forty years to hundreds of children including his very own daughter Alex. In Jimmy’s book “The Devil Inside” you will learn where his passion comes from and how his sister Alex exposed what their father did to her. Jimmy never doubted his sister Alex and reported their pedophile father to end abuse.
I must warn you, this book is not only biblically based but it will make you angry and I pray it stirs you to be more aware that these crimes can and do happen in any place. Also, I pray it stirs you to help protect victims in and out of a church setting.
More Resources
ICASA or the Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault rape crisis centers, operates a 24-hr hotline everyday of the year. Reachable at 217-753-4117. They provide counseling, education and advocacy for victims regardless of age, race or income.
Fair Haven Rape and Crisis Center is located in Northwest Indiana. They also have a 24-hr crisis hotline. Reachable at 219-218-2552. They have faith-based survivor support groups in person and via Zoom. Fair Haven also visits schools within Northwest Indiana from grades K-High School to educate on abuse prevention education.
Baslye Tchividjian is an author and attorney advocate for abuse survivors and represents clients throughout the U.S. He’s founder of GRACE – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment. It’s core mission is to empower Christian communities to recognize, prevent, and respond to abuse.
Diane Langberg is a Christian psychologist who has worked with trauma survivors and clergy for 35 years. She has written many books on abuse as well. Diane has helped me so much via YouTube with her compassionate Christian responses towards survivors. I highly recommend you follow her!
Now That You Know…
Make that call and report. Warn people that you know of their crimes and separate yourself and your family to keep them safe. Educate your babies.
There is so much room for action from doing nothing to doing something. I understand what it feels like to wonder if you’re doing the right thing, I get it, we all have the instinct of self-preservation. There are risks for getting involved. It takes time and effort including your personal safety. However, pray the Lord to guide your steps Proverbs 3:6. Ask yourself, what would I want done for me or my loved ones? How would my taking action change the outcome? Do I remain shocked and become paralyzed? Take on the bystander effect? Or gear myself with resources so I know how to take action?
In times of need we all cannot freeze.
Knowing what you know now, will you take action? Will you take part to learn from these resources? Today, will you advocate for someone? Will you protect victims?
Survivors and our children need us to protect them.